The First Poke is the Deepest

I started stimming today.   How many times have I stuck myself in the stomach and yet it's still so weird.  I still get that nervous feeling before the jab brings it on home.

I had a moment of "what the hell am I doing?" tonight.  This shit is serious.  It's not fun.  It means in less than two weeks I'll be hooked up to an IV and knocked out.  My ovaries will be poked full of holes.  And there's still not guarantee they'll be Bea's sibling(s) at the end of this.   And lets face it.  That's the scariest shit of them all.  No matter how unfun the shots are.  No matter how sore you are after you wake up from retrieval.   The biggest pain is a BFN.  Maybe that's what I'm the most scared of.

I'm trying not to think of it as this cycle ends in a few weeks.  I'm trying to look at it as this hiatus from my job I am going to do as many IVFs as it takes to get pregnant.  (God PLEASE let me have enough time - not need so many IVFs).  So whether or not this one works I"m that much closer to being a mom of more than one.

For those that care I basically have the same drugs as my successful cycle (sweet Bea's cycle).  Every night I inject 1 bottle of Menapur  300 of Gonal F and every other night a 1/2 bottle of HgH.

My first monitoring appointment is Friday.  More drugs to come!

Here We Go

Work has been tough the past few weeks.   Leaving the house at 7am getting home at 2am kind of weeks.  Working weekend kind of weeks.   Working for seven hours on a scene only to have it torn apart in seconds kind of weeks. 

But the season is over.   It's time to start cycling again.    Or is it?   The big decision right now is do I sit out a month or not.  Will the stress effect the follicles that are starting to grow?   Should I let my body start to heal first?    Eat healthy, exercise, get massages and accupuncture? 

I went to the RE today.  I have just a few small cysts, like my successful (Bea) cycle.  I have more follicles than my Bea cycle.  Things look good.  So we're gonna see what happens.  I'm getting blood work tomorrow morning and then I go in on CD3 (probably Monday).  If things look good we start injections and then IVF #3 is just a few weeks away.   Crazy.