216

My RE's nurse called.  I picked up the phone.  Said "Hello"?  And she said "Could you hold on a minute?"  and took another call!

Longest minute ever.

She came back and said "You're beta is 216 so you are definitely pregnant."

When I joked with her about the minute, she said if she calls it's usually good news.  If the doctor calls then it's usually bad.

She called with the last Beta too.   So even though it made for a long weekend - that 69 I guess was good news too.

Now worry wart that I am started thinking "That's a doubling time of 43 hours.... Bea's were in the mid-30s...".

I texted that to my BFF and she reminded me I said if I'm ever lucky enough to get pregnant again I would enjoy the pregnancy and not worry the entire time.

I was going to respond with something like "I'll stop worrying after the heartbeat or the NT scan or the..." But I stopped.  I'm just going to enjoy this.  My beta was right where it needed to be.  I'm pregnant.

Almost There....

I survived the weekend.   By this time tomorrow I'll either be elated or devastated.

Crazy how one phone call can do that to a girl, huh?

69

47 hours later and my beta went from 37 to 69.

Not a true double.   Fuck.

I feel like I'm being punished.  Punished for getting my hopes up.  Punished for planning how I was going to tell my parents.  Punished for even believing it would be this "easy".

So now I have a shitty weekend ahead of me as I wait for Monday's Beta.

Fuck.

6dp5dt

I woke up this morning and decided not to test.  I know early morning tests are not as dark as evening tests for me.  I know what I saw yesterday.  I'm pregnant.  (for now).

Besides I knew I was going to call the RE and try to get a beta so that was more important.

I got up and peed.

This is way TMI so you might want to skip to the next paragraph) and had morning sickness...from my butt.  Seriously I read that a lot of women don't throw up.  They....well.  I'm sure you understand.

Got back in bed.  Got up to pee again.  Back in bed.  Then I started to notice that I wasn't bloated at all.  And I was having crampies and tuggies.  Instead I felt GREAT.  So of course I freaked.   I'm really good at freaking.   Give me a inch of rope and I'll hang myself with it.

I peed on a stick.    The same kind as I got my BFP on 4dp5dt.   I had just peed.  It was the morning (not my best time).   But the line was still there.  And it was a lot darker than it was on Monday.   Phew.

I called the RE and told them I've been getting positives since Monday.   They told me it was the trigger. I explained to them I had gotten a negative before the positives.  The lines were getting darker and darker.  This was the day I got my first Beta with Bea.   And damn it I'm pregnant!  They said a Beta wouldn't be accurate.  But if you want a beta you big baby we'll get you one.  (okay those were my words not theirs).

Bea's beta at 6dp5dt - 17
My beta today at 6dp5dt 37

Woohoo!

The bloat came back toward the middle of the day.  So did the crampies and tuggies.  Things I normally love to eat were not appealing (which I guess I could chalk up to nerves).  I was lying down and all of a sudden felt dizzy and nauseous. I had to cancel a play date I really wanted to go on.  I slept for 2 hours and could have slept for more (woken up for beta results).  I think I'm just one of those people who things hit at night.   I hope when I wake up feeling great tomorrow I'll remember that and not freak out all over again.

5dp5dt

This was the day I got my first BFP with Bea.   I didn't think I was pregnant and it was such a shock.

I knew I wasn't pregnant this time.  It was a bad day when I came to that conclusion.  I don't want to have to do this again.  But i will.   I'll do it over and over and over.  I always wanted many kids.  3 - 4 -5.  Please don't let IF keep me at one.  Yes one super, amazing, perfect kid that I am endlessly grateful for.  But I want to get to choose my family.  And my family has always been kidS.

Why did I come to that conclusion?  I have had ZERO symptoms.   Certainly not that "feels like AF is coming" cramps that all the girls with BFPs ask the boards about roughly 3dp5dt.

Instead on my 3dp5dt I woke up feeling fantastic.  No cramps.  No low energy.  No change of appetite.  I felt so good I could conquer the world.  Which was horrible news.  No symptoms.

Well not no symptoms.  I was taking naps in the middle of the day, but that could be chalked up to the fact that I could (still milking the taking it easy thing).

I had horrible night sweats on night 2dp5dt.  And I've had some vivid dreams.  In fact I even had a dream I had a son and showed my mom a positive pregnancy test.

So I took that as a sign to test on 4dp5dt.   FMU.   Negative.  Not really a shock.  I mean it's super early.  And I was clearly not pregnant.

That evening I got a special delivery from Amazon.  A ton of cheapie pregnancy tests.  So I had to use them, right?

Imagine my surprise when I saw this.....

night of 4dp5dt

My husband saw it too.  He's usually the one telling me I'm crazy.  So then the freak out begins.  I'm pretty sure my trigger is long gone.  I mean that was 11 days ago.  My triggers never stay around for long.

Just for a second thinking I could be pregnant brought on a bunch of symptoms.  The (small) crampies.  The tuggies.  I'm very bloated and can't suck my stomach in at all.  I'm tired.  Not just nap tired.  Like I can't do much activity tired.

So this morning of 5dp5dt I tested again.  The line was still there.  Maybe a little darker.  Maybe a little lighter.  Not sure.  But there.   I know my FMU is never as...potent?....as later in the day so I figured I'd wait to this evening to test again.

Easy to keep away from the pee sticks since I was in jury duty (managed to read all 374 pages of Huger Games as I waited).

I came home and peed.   Look for yourself.

I'd say that's pretty clear.   I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and see if I can get in for a Beta.  If not I have a progesterone and estrogen check on Thursday and they better put a beta in there too.

That line is a lot darker than Bea's line on the same day.  Hopefully we'll see a strong beta.  (stronger than Bea's 17).   My husband thinks it's twins.

One.  Two.  Four.  I don't care.  Just let my family feel complete.

Brrrr

I have two frosties!  A Grade B blast and a Grade C blast.   Though it is WONDERFUL/AWESOME/AMAZING to have frosties,  IF this cycle doesn't work I am going to do another fresh.

Now as for this cycle.  I found out the hatching blast and the compacting blast they but back were both graded B.  I'm just fine with that.

Zero symptoms (duh).  And man Bedrest is really, really boring.  Remind me I said that back when I'm on Bea duty and don't get to nap in the middle of the day.

ET for IVF#3

Today didn't start off well.  I'm kind of a nerd about getting to treatments on time (read: waaaay early).  Of course today - the day of transfer - traffic was insane.  At 6 am.  Bumper to bumper traffic.    Gotta love LA.

So there goes the calming meditation I was planning for the drive there.

I got to the office and things turned around.  Sweet nurses.  A full bladder.  And then the news that I had 3 compacting blasts and ONE HATCHING BLAST.  I have never EVER had a naturally hatching blast at transfer.  

So the hatching blast and one of the compacting got put back in in a basically flawless transfer.  Now we wait.

I feel really optimistic.  I hate having hope.  But I have it.

Of course I wouldn't be me if I didn't have something to worry about.  I'm being having stomach cramps off and on today.  Here's hoping that doesn't damage the implanting that I hope is going on right now.