All By Myself

IF is lonely isn't it?  

Today I felt a need to have my husband at the RE with me on Monday.  I don't know why.  I guess cause we're going to start Stimming and its kind of a big deal.  It'd be nice to have someone there when I get my blood draw.  Nice to have him see all that I go through each appointment.  Nice to have someone besides myself learn how to do the mixing of the drugs.  Just nice to have someone with me.

I mentioned it in passing.  He can't.  He has a lot of work tomorrow.  I played it off like it was no big deal.  He could tell it was.  He started trying to rearrange his schedule.  I love him for that.  But I told him not to worry about it.  I don't need him there.  I'll be fine.  

By Myself.  The way most of this journey has been.

Somehow that last sentence doesn't seem fair.   My husband is fantastic.  He is supportive.  Helpful.  He lets me rant and rave and cry and moan and he is always there to pick me back up.  (not physically....he might be able to lift my massive girth, but i won't let him try).  He does everything he can.  There is just a limit to what he can do.  He can't take the shots.  He can't get the blood drawn.  He can't get the hot flashes, the cramps, the headaches.   He can just hold me when I do.  And most of the time that is more than enough.