For Your Viewing Pleasure

(fakey-fake-fake)

A (fake) positive pregnancy test!

Brought to you by the good folks at Orvidrel  trigger shots.

Looking at this (fake) positive pregnancy test I wondered how I'd feel if it was a real one.  I have no idea.  It's like that part of my brain doesn't work.  IF is all about getting pregnant.  That is the goal.  My eye is on that prize.   

My thoughts don't drift to what pregnancy actually means.  I don't think I'd see a BFP and assume we're going to have a baby.  I think I'd see one and think...ok, what's the next step?  Hope my Beta is good.  Then - Hope my next Beta doubles  Then - hope I see a heartbeat  etc. etc.

Before I went through all this crap I would bookmark all these baby sites.  I'd research cribs.  I knew what stroller works best for tall girls.  I'd look at bedding.  I was :this: close to buying a glider that was on sale. (god, what an idiot I was).    Now, those bookmarks are covered with the interweb's version of dust and cobwebs.

It's like they belonged to a past life.  I don't even know the person who put them there.  But it must have been fun to get to be that excited.   To get to plan without a doubt that those plans would come true.

I wonder how long it will take from BFP (if I ever see a real one) to feeling that excitement again.   Hope I get to find out.