Triggered

Today's monitoring appointment made me feel better than yesterday's.   The biggest follicle didn't grow much more.  And the others are starting to catch up.  My Right Ovary is a super trooper.  There are about 9 follicles there that might be something.  Leftie has 5 (plus a bunch of little ones).

Now obviously some might not be mature enough.  Some might be too mature.  Some follicles might be empty.  But there's a good chance we'll have something to work with.

I took a final anti-ovulating shot at 11.   A little extra Gonal F at 2pm.  And then I triggered at 10pm.   As with every time I take a HCG shot to trigger I am expecting to wake up cramping tonight.  Fun.

Back to the monitoring appointment, when the dildo cam showed what we were working it the nurse went "whoa!".  My ovaries are HUGE and I am really feeling them today.  Sore and bloated is the name of the game for the next few days.

Retrieval should be a bit of a relief.  

And since this is a pretty rambling post - here's what freaks me out a bit about retrieval.   During my first retrieval the IV went in and the next thing I remember is waking up.  (I foggely remember telling my husband to take a picture of me in  the hospital bed hooked up to the machines - Me wanting a picture of myself?  You know I was still pretty drugged up).  

But what I heard later is that that IV didn't put me to sleep.  It was something called Twilight where you're totally conscious, you just don't remember any of it.  Apparently I gave them my name.  Joked a little.  And then climbed into the operating table.  THEN they put me to sleep.

I HATE that idea.  It really freaked me out.  So the next retrieval I told myself to pay attention to EVERYTHING.  And when I woke up I had a memory of climbing onto the table.  That's it.

Creepy right?!  My mom says she likes going under for surgeries because you just wake up and it's done. I am not like that.   I like being in control.  I like knowing everything that's going on.  I like asking questions.    The idea that there is at least an hour of my life that I have no say in is horrible.

But I do it.  Isn't that what this whole process is?  Facing your fears and overcoming them.  Over and Over again.   Because  nothing is as terrifying as not having the family you want.

Now that's scary.