Sunday, August 9, 2009

Tick Tock TIck Tock

I love my husband's best man's wife.     

She's funny and creative.  A great "mate" at all those functions where I'm surrounded by people our husbands went to college with and I could care less about.

Before they were married a year they got pregnant with their son.  Who is unbelievably cute.  He's three now.

It was inevitable they were going to go for number two.  

She told me they were going to start in May.  They are 12 weeks pregnant.   You do the math.

At my FIL's funeral they must have known, but she didn't tell me.  I'm sure she had her reasons.  Maybe they weren't telling anyone yet.  Maybe it was the fact that my IVF just failed and we were mourning the loss of a father AND a child.  The point is she said nothing.  

I respect her for that.

When she sent me the email saying she was pregnant, it was caring and sensitive.  

I respect that too.

Though I am happy for her, I broke out into "sad for me" tears.  But I sent her an email full of the good.  None of the bad feelings.  

Perhaps I should have added some of the bad.  Because this paragraphed was included in her response....
Thanks for being happy for us, I knew you would be, but it's okay to
wish me another week or two of morning (afternoon/evening) sickness.
WTF?!  Like the last two years of my life....the suffering, the tears, the shots, the surgery, the hormones, the blood draws, the MONEY...did I mention the tears?  Is equal to another week (or two) of morning sickness.  Morning sickness I would give my right arm (or stab myself repeatedly in the stomach) for.
This is not a bad person.  This is just a person that has NO IDEA what our side is like.  She didn't mean to be insensitive.  I wish her no ill will.  I am still happy(ish) for her.  But Dang.  If this is one of my friends who know about our IF what are the ones that don't going to say?
Do you know what's crazy?  I wonder if I would be in such a rush to get pregnant if there weren't all of these timebombs surrounding me.  A lot of that feeling of rush is because I want to prevent this pain from happening again and again.  
Don't get me wrong...I want a child DESPERATELY.  But each BFN isn't just a loss of that child, it's another month that I have to hold my breath whenever a friend calls to "talk".  Another month of avoiding facebook.  You get the drift.
Enough lonelyness - tomorrow I talk about actually talking face to face with someone who has done IVF.  And she's my workmate!  


  1. They can try, but they will never ever understand.

  2. I'm stabby on your behalf. People really need to think before they speak (or write.) When in doubt, don't.

    Sometimes people just don't know what to say if they haven't lived it, I guess.

  3. People try...but usually don't get it.

  4. I love how referred to them as timebombs. So true. I have quite a few ticking around me that I am so scared will go off!

  5. They haven't walked a mile in the moccasins.

  6. I'm glad your back posting. And you are not crazy. But people do not get it. I just decided to check your blog after constructing a 3 paragraph email to a friend (was my bridesmaid) who DIDN'T invite us to her son's recent 1st birthday party, basically all my friends (who have kids, so all of them) were there.

  7. Ouch! That response burns. They will never understand what we IF people have to go through. Hence, the reason why I prefer not to talk about our IF issues and just defer it with a comment like, " I really don't want to talk about this."