Friday, July 1, 2011

7 Months

I haven't visited this blog in a while. Don't know what drew me to it today. But I checked out some comments and noticed I got my first judgemental one! I don't know why I'm so excited about that. Makes me feel like a real blogger I guess.

Anonymous (isn't that always the case?) if you are reading this , thank you for opening my eyes. Because you took the time out of what I can only imagine is a busy, fufilling and contented life, (I mean why else would you take the time to comment on some strangers blog unless you were happy with your own life) I now realize that yes I am an unfit mother. God knew it. That's why he made me infertile. If only you came in to my life sooner I would have saved my family a lot of heartache.

Now back to those of us who weren't blessed by god to not need an MD to get pregnant.

As hard as the first 5 months were for me, the past 2 have been incredible. I have the absolute best baby in the world. I would spend every second with her if I could. She's so smart and fearless. She's already crawling. Says "mama". She loves the water and is desperate to grab at the cats. I mean look at this kid!
I have never felt a need to hide my infertility. I'm not embarassed by it. Instead I'm proud. I'm proud of how tough I was for all those years. All the fears I had to face. How such a horrible time in our lives just brought my husband and I together. And all of it, every shot, every tear, every second of fear was entirely worth it. I want those of you who stumble on this blog using search terms like IVF or infertility to know that though you will never be the same, it does get so much better.

I am also not embarassed to admit how hard the first few months of motherhood were for me. Maybe it's just a normal thing that happens to some women (I have certainly met a lot of other mother who had similar feelings). Maybe it has to do with a kind of post tramatic stress that IF brought me ( I never let myself get attached to Bea while she was an inside baby). Maybe it was hormones. Or maybe anonymous was right and it's because I'm an unfit mother. Whatever the reason if any of you out there is feeling this right now let me tell you that this too gets better. Oh man, it gets so much better. It becomes everything you fantasized motherhood would be.

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