Thursday, September 15, 2011

It Begins Again

The Long Road Ahead
Today I went back to the RE.    It was just the preliminary workup.  We scheduled blood work.  Got the wand (looks like I just O'ed).  Everything looks good.

The second I started driving towards the office my body knew what was happening.  Each step made my heart beat faster.  The freeway exit.  The parking structure.  The office building.  The right floor.  The office.

It knew what this all meant.  Months and months of heartache, pain (both mental and physical) and disappointment.

We went over a schedule for my FET.  Looks like sometime in December might work out.  An awesome Christmas present or a sad reminder that we have to work hard to build our family.

I have four blasts left.  She said one was really good, two were good and one was okay.  She rated them 3 Bs and a C.

My head immediately went to Why no As?  This isn't going to work.  I'll have to do more IVFs.  Pain, Sadness, Fear....

I have Bea now.  Sweet, wonderful, perfect Bea.  I know all the failed FETs in the world can't take her away.   If this is my family I am unbelievably lucky.  I feel bad wanting more.  Like I'm pushing my luck. And yet there were other feelings that came back today.  In the middle of the fear, sadness, anxiety... there was hope and desire the knowledge that I'm here to fight.

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