Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Too Good To Be True

I should have known I wouldn't be super hopeful for too long.

Don't worry we still have some live embies.  5 or 6 to be exact.   But perfect embies at this stage (day 3) should be 8 cell.  Some advanced little buggers get to 10!  Well mine.  Not so much.  2 at 7 cells.  1 at 6 and 3 at 5 cells.

I'm already convinced this cycle has failed and I haven't even had my transfer yet (which will be Friday day 5).

I know, I know...7 cells aren't that bad....they can still turn into awesome blasts.....etc. etc. etc.

Sure they could.  But today google is not my friend.  And when you search around for women who had BFPs with 3dt all you see is "transferred 2 beautiful 8cell embryos."   They are always beautiful and they are always 8 cell.   I have desperately tried to find people talking about sub-par embies at 3dpr that turn in to rockstars by day 5.  I found one story.  I freaking hate google.

I know the best thing to do is not worry about it.  They are still alive.  That is the important part.  And a lot can happen by Friday.  I should just go to ET with my hopes up and expect to hear the words "perfect blasts".   

I just don't feel that optimistic right now.

If (and more likely when) this doesn't work, we are going to take a long break.  Maybe 6 months.   We have a dying FIL, my new job and depleted finances to worry about for now.  I think that is the thing that worries me the most.  That long 6 month void.  6 more months I lose out on with my kids.

*********EDITED LATER**********
I just looked at my cell phone.  The last text I sent to my husband was "5 Left!!!"   I was so excited when I first heard the news.  I had been having dreams all night that we had three still alive.   Why did that excitement last mere minutes? 

This can still work.  Even if I heard you have 7 8cells I would have found something to worry about.

This ends now.  As of this moment I am going to be positive about this!....well for a few more minutes anyway.


  1. I was uber positive right up until the day of transfer. After I woke from my valium/vicodin induced nap after ET, I started consulting Dr. Google. And everywhere that women talked about getting BFPs from blasts, they had "perfect" or "hatching" blasts. Mine were neither. I got so bummed. It was then I *knew* the cycle didn't work and decided I would begin HPT'ing very soon. On the one had I feel kinda glad to not have my hopes all crushed when the beta came back. On the other, I wonder what it would have been like to have really felt the joy of being PUPO. I dunno. Do what's right for you, I say.

  2. Hang in there! And, do something, anything that will make you happy today. Drink one last margarita or listen to your favorite happy song. Go to YouTube and search for something funny to watch. You can also read the posting that my husband wrote last night about giving a sample - it's sure to make you laugh. Thinking of you - and sending fertile thoughts to those embys and your uterus!

  3. Oh, hun! Don't get discouraged! You've made it so far this cycle!!! You know you've got so many people out here rooting for you. I'll be praying for you.

  4. Hang in I think I'm grateful my clinic never gave me these kinds of detailed updates...nerve wracking I tell ya!

    Thinking lovely dividing thoughts for you and your embies.

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  6. Massive hugs. I don't care what you say; I am not giving up hope for those 5. So there.
    (sorry I had to delete the first comment b/c I stupidly said 7 thinking about the "ratings" you were telling me about....)

  7. 5 left is fantastic! Not all embies grow at the same rate, don't forget that. Just because they haven't made it to 8 cell yet doesn't mean that they won't. I can't wait to hear what you end up transferring tomorrow.

  8. Just wanted to give you some (((HUGS))) I am sure everything will work out just as it should. Praying for your sticky miracle.

  9. 5 is great! Like someone else said, they grow at different rates and it also varies on what time they checked them too. I can't wait to hear about tomorrow! I'm glad you decided to be positive.