Tuesday, May 5, 2009

2009 Can Bite Me

This has been the hardest year of my life.   No question.

My FIL was diagnosed with Stage Four stomach cancer.  Earth Shattering.  Add to it, it was the day we closed on our house sucking any joy out of that little nugget.  We always thought his dad would love our garden, now he might never see it.    The next month we found out we would have to do IVF... now I am more comfortable with this, but then it felt like our world was crashing down AGAIN.   My work was so stressful I broke out in hives and have had crazy high blood pressure.  We ended up owing a shitload more in taxes than we even thought.  My job is up in the air right now and the taxes and IVF has taken a huge bite of our savings.  Tomorrow is my birthday but my FIL will be getting the results of a CatScan that could very tell him the cancer has spread despite the chemo.   My FIL might never get to see his grandkids.  Talk about pressure for an IVF cycle.   Today I dropped a glass jar of garlic.  :op

Despite this shit storm I know I have a pretty great life.  We can afford to pay those taxes.  We can pay for IVF without going into debt (at least this time).  We can live on one salary (we just have to cut back).  His dad has great insurance and is being taken care of by excellent doctors. 

My husband and I have battled every storm and come out stronger on the other side.  I love him more now than ever before and it is comforting to know that tragedy brings us together and doesn't tear us apart.

Sigh.... I know my last few posts have been downers.  I'm just sick of this.  Sick of the storms.  Sick of the shots....sick of the sick.

But I'm still optimistic.  Isn't that sick?

1 comment:

  1. I don't think it's sick at all. There are days, like yesterday where I just want to give everything the finger but there is always still hope there also. How could we do all of this if we weren't the least bit optimistic?